Lessons of Eckhart Tolle and Lemonade

I am following the web event of the book A new earth of Eckhart Tolle with Oprah. This morning I heard him say:

"And that I call "conscious suffering," where, suddenly, the inner resistance is not there anymore. And when you go into conscious suffering and say, "This is fine, I say yes to this. Even the most unacceptable situation, if there's nothing I can do about it, I bring a yes to it."
At that moment, the ego dies. And at that moment, the divine comes through. And the very thing that was the worst thing that could ever happen to you when you bring surrender to it, becomes an opening into the divine. "

and I was just going through a HUGE dilemma whether to bring lemonade to the kids during their midday break or not...... Because if I do, lill' one of 6 will most probably have to pee while still in school and there I get restless and scared. What if he doesnt manage to keep his pants up (at home he just drops his pants, but in school the toilet floor is so dirty), what if the teacher does not let him or if he is afraid to ask (he did pee in his pants a couple of months ago)...... and on that moment when I heard Eckhart Tolle say those words I realized my suffering. But how do I, like Eckhart says, bring a yes to it?

I so much want to protect my kids from any kind of suffering, and if they suffer I suffer with them. The worst moment in my motherhood so far was an event in the hospital. It was very traumatic for all of us, not only Timucin, who suffered the pain but also for the father who was holding him, me, the mother who was just sitting there listening to the crying of my dear dear son in pain, not being able to do anything to stop the doctor, holding a crying Emre while tears were pouring down my face. I still feel desperate and so much guilt when I think back of it. I was not able to protect my child. I carry already for 2 years that guilt on my shoulders, and it does not seem to get any less. And each and every event of them suffering and me not able to prevent it adds to that burden.


My suffering over my kids suffering. How clearly I see right now that it leads nowhere, it really has no function but to make me feel miserable and powerless. Because I cannot prevent my kids from suffering. But somehow I think I should. Because if I could prevent it, I would be at ease, ah, the wellbeing of my kids.

Is it the well being of my kids that I have certain thoughts and ideas attached to? Am I responsible in my eyes for the well being of my kids? I would love to answer that with YES! I would love to be in control over the well being of my kids..... Just imagine, having control over their happiness, being able to influence their lives in such a way that they will always feel good! I want them to be happy, to become happy persons.

So here is my need to contribute to their happiness. But there is also this wanting to be able to control that happiness. And that makes me feel desperate and helpless because many times I cannot. So I want to control something that I can't. Which brings fear in every situation where I am not able to control the outcome. So here I understand why for one, I have such a hard time leaving my kids at the gate of the school every day, for I fear what may happen to them. I am afraid for their suffering. But that is something I cannot prevent. They will suffer, it is part of life.

What about my suffering? Okay, many times I did not see the point of it at the moment of suffering, but I did learn a lot of it. And now I try to see every suffering as an opportunity to grow. And I did come to see that everything that happened in my life has given shape to who I am today. And I do not want to be any different from what I am! I enjoy being me!

Acceptance! Yes! To accept that suffering IS a part of the life of my dearest kids. To accept that there is no need to protect them from everything, that in doing so I would stand in the way of important lessons to learn.

Feeling a bit better, but I am still not completely there. Even if I do see the necessity of suffering, and accept it as an important and even precious part of my life I am still afraid of the suffering of my kids. What if they are not ready for it, what if it will hurt them, scar them for life? I really would like to be sure and to TRUST that they are able, capable and strong enough to face the difficulties in their life. To trust and to have faith in their ability to use and to learn from what they are going through to become the great being there are destined to be.


I see that I can do so much to contribute here, that I am able to help them to get a proper toolbox, filled with all kinds of equipment that can help them in difficult times. And that I can be there for them, to offer them empathy or to just be there for them, with them if they go through a difficult time. That each time when I am there for them, I will actively help them in their suffering. To just stand with them when they suffer, that I am there to help them to get through it, to come out of it greater and stronger. Now I can see that suffering does not have to be for them what it was for me!

And the event in the hospital? It is still painful, but not in the desperate way anymore. Because now see that I learned from it, I grew from it. How come I did not see this before? It was that event that empowered me to stand up against doctors in the hospital, I refused to have certain tests done on my son without knowing exactly what it was for, and I removed the cast of my sons broken arm myself as it was too traumatic for him to have it done in the hospital again(yes, the traumatic event I mentioned about). I learned the important lesson that a doctor does not always have to be right, to just trust my gut feeling. So whenever this event pops up in my mind, I can just redirect myself to the important lessons that I learned from it, so I will feel empowered instead for my need for PURPOSE and MEANING are nourished with it.